Why Positive Thinking Isn’t Enough: Toxic Positivity in Manifestation

Melanie Mishler (: 00:25

Hello love and welcome back to the podcast. Today we are going to be talking about something I love calling out because honestly I see it as an epidemic in the manifestation, the healing and self-development space. We are talking about toxic positivity and spiritual bypassing. And I know you've probably heard things like this before, things like just think positive and positive things will happen.

or just think about what you want and will all come to you.

And there are so many teachers and influencers and gurus who present themselves as if they're just blissfully enlightened all the time, right? Happy, rich, abundant with zero negative feelings and zero emotions. Like their life is just one big, huge vision board of beach sunsets, green juice, and a hundred thousand dollar months. But here's the truth. No matter

how spiritually evolved we are, and no matter how good we become at manifesting, we're still human. And being human means experiencing the full spectrum of emotions. It means we're going to have good days and bad days. We're going to experience excitement and fear, desire and doubt, gratitude and grief.

And these aren't contradictions, they're actually just two sides of the same coin. We don't get one without the other.

what I think is really important to understand when we start learning about manifestation is the goal isn't to eliminate all the bad things in life. not about pretending we're happy 24-7 or slapping positive affirmations on top of real pain. That's not only unrealistic.

It's actually harmful because it disconnects us from our humanity. It disconnects us from our body and from the deeper wisdom that's trying to come through all the time. So today I want to chat about this and I want to talk about what real manifestation actually looks like and how it honors the full spectrum of emotions, the full spectrum of who we are, both our fears and our messy-ass humanity.

along with our visions and our goals and our hopes,

all of it kind of blending together and how the toxic positivity and spiritual bypassing, they sneak in and they sabotage everything we're trying to create. So if you've ever heard a teacher just tell you just think positive and positive will happen or if you see these teachers who all they talk about is

love and light and positivity,

then trust me, you're not alone if you want to vomit in your mouth or if it makes you feel a little uneasy because I have the same reaction as a very somatic reaction bypassing. So let's just start off by talking about the movie The Secret for a minute because by now I'm guessing you've probably seen it.

Most people who are interested in manifestation or personal development, they've seen that movie.

, I think it was in the early: 2000

personally think that it also did a ton of damage because it made it sound like all you need to do is just think about something and it would magically show up. Just visualize the car, just think positive, just focus on what you want. So when people started doing all of those things,

sitting down to visualize their dream home or their dream partner or their ideal bank balance and the things didn't magically and quickly show up they were left with this kind of cloak of confusion and shame as if they were the problem or they weren't doing it right or they're not visualizing hard enough or worse maybe they're not spiritual enough

And that my love is the real damage of toxic positivity in the manifestation space. yes, visualization is very, powerful. Intention is powerful. Clarity is powerful. But here's the thing. If you don't actually believe, believe it in your bones that you're worthy of having the thing you're visualizing, or if your system is holding on to

deep down stories like, don't deserve this, or this is too much, or this is the life that's for someone else, or I don't think I can even have this, this seems like it's really hard. Then all of those affirmations, all of the Pinterest vision boards in the world, they won't do shit for you. Because manifestation isn't just mental, it's energetic.

It's emotional, it's somatic, it happens in our bodies.

We can't just adjust our thoughts. We have to adjust our beliefs. coming to the place where we feel safe enough in our body to receive what we're asking for. And you missed last week's episode, I really want to invite you to go back and listen to it. Because we were talking about the power of receiving.

and how this is really a huge piece of manifestation that many teachers don't talk about. They talk about thinking about the things wanting the things, but not about how we actually let them in, how we actually receive them. back and take a listen, because it's a really powerful episode. I had so much great feedback on it.

But anyway, I digress. What happens is when there's a mismatch between what we say we want and what we believe is possible, That's where this resistance comes in. And that's where we're actually blocking the flow of things coming to us.

And here's something that most people don't know about that movie, The Secret. It was actually based on one of my teachers, Wallace Waddles. It was based on his book, The Science of Getting and Wallace wrote several books. He was an amazing new thought teacher.

and he laid the groundwork for what would become like mainstream manifestation teachings. but the movie skipped over a lot of the deeper inner work that both Wallace Waddles and other teachers like Neville Goddard focused on. Processes like identity, embodiment, becoming the version of you who already has what you desire. And that's the missing piece.

because you don't just think your way into a new reality. You have to become the woman who lives there.

That's the missing key. So let's go a little deeper into this because when we only focus on our surface level thoughts without addressing what's underneath, Then we just end up bypassing the most important part of this process, which is the actual transformation.

I see this in my book that manifestation is not about getting stuff. It's not about getting the car and the money. It's about who we become in the process of realizing that we're the architect of our life and taking that power and actually using it to craft a life that we desire.

And that's what actual transformation is, right? It's not about getting the stuff. And this is what toxic positivity does. It talks about just thinking positive thoughts, getting the stuff, but it skips the trauma. It skips the fear. It skips the very, very real human thoughts that are actually running the show in the background.

toxic positivity will tell you, just repeat, I'm abundant, I'm wealthy, while your bank account is overdrawn and your body's in a full blown panic. And love, if you've ever been in that place, you know that does not feel empowering. It feels like you're gaslighting yourself and your body knows the difference. So when you're saying those things like I'm abundant, I'm wealthy, and you don't feel it,

there's this huge energetic mismatch. I like to use this visual. Imagine buying a home and you go into this new home and you realize, ⁓ shit, there's mold everywhere. And so instead of treating the mold, you just paint over it. And you can paint over that mold all day long and it might look really nice for a month or two.

but eventually that mold is gonna start seeping through the paint

It'll seep through and it will take over again because we didn't treat the root of the problem. And that's what happens when we're doing manifestation practices and we're just painting on toxic positivity.

Because transformation and manifestation, they're not about lying to yourself. not about pretending we're rich when the mortgage is late. It's about shifting into the version of you who feels safe enough

to believe in new possibilities without shaming where you are right now or without believing that where you are right now is a template for where you're going or what the future holds for you. And that's a one, right?

We're so programmed to think about our current circumstances.

then bring it into the future. And that's why we keep creating the same thing over and over again. But our future does not have to be a replica of the current circumstances.

as long as we change our beliefs and we change our thoughts. again, changing them at the root, right? We have to change them like that mold in the house. We have to get rid of the mold and not just paint over it.

So if you've ever been in that space, love, where you're just trying to stay high and positive while your nervous system is screaming danger, danger, then you're not manifesting. You are just disassociating and you're creating more of the same current situation. And again, it's not because you're doing anything wrong. it's because your system is doing exactly what is designed to do. nervous system is keeping you safe. It's protecting you. So if you've ever thought

Why isn't this working? Or why do I keep sabotaging myself? Or why can't I just stay in the energy of what I want? Again, it's not because you're broken or doing it wrong. It's because you're trying to manifest with unprocessed fear or with old programs running the show, old beliefs, old thoughts.

old ideas.

And this is why my work, it's always coming back to regulation and safety and identity manifestation isn't just about thinking new thoughts. It's about becoming someone who can receive and hold and really expand into what you truly desire.

And as an energy worker, as someone who I can literally see energy patterns when I see people, I know that sounds really weird and woo woo, but it's something that I've been able to do for many, many, many years. But what I started to notice when I was working with women years ago is they would say the right things. They were doing the vision boards. were repeating the affirmations, doing all the things that the books would tell them to do.

but their energy field, their physical energy, it was in a completely different state.

even though they were verbally saying one thing, their energy, their vibration was saying something completely different. It was saying, this will never work. I don't believe this is coming. I don't trust. I don't believe. And that misalignment, that disconnect between what they were saying and what their energy was broadcasting out to the universe.

That's what was keeping everything stuck. And this is the process, like seeing this disconnect and the energy is what led me to create the neurosomatic manifestation I was seeing that traditional teachings, they were just staying in the head. They were teaching to re-

affirmations or to visualize harder or to think more positive but the surface level mindset work it completely ignores the most important part of the process which is your energy your vibration your beliefs and your entire frequency your entire frequency has to be aligned with what you're calling in before you can actually see it before you can actually attune with it

Because the universe is not responding to your words. It's responding to your frequency, to what you're embodying.

And so that's why this process I developed of neurosomatic manifesting, it works on all those levels. It's mental, emotional, somatic, energetic. It's not just about calming your mind

positive things on repeat. It's about shifting your entire field so that your whole system will say, I believe this is possible. I feel safe in receiving this.

And most importantly, I am this version of me, right? We have to become the version of us can hold all the things that we desire.

And when we get there, this isn't bypassing. That's true alignment. It's true embodiment. And that's how things start to actually begin to shift. and real quick, I just want to share how we do this in a way that's not just positive affirmations. Cause people say, well, how do you actually do that in the process that I teach? And I do it through a lot of different tools,

but one of them I call somatic activations. on the surface, it can seem like a meditation, but it's deeper than a meditation. It's more of like a guided energetic experience.

And I designed it to help your body feel the frequency of the version of you who has what you're calling it. Not someday, not hypothetically, not thinking of it, not imagining it, but experiencing it right now, all of the vibration of it

And you've heard me say this before, our brains don't know the difference between when we are imagining something and experiencing it in our mind versus it actually happening. So what this does is as we do these somatic activations, our body starts to learn the feeling of safety and expansion and abundance.

And we begin to anchor that vibration in our energetic field. And that's when things start to really move and they start to move very quickly once you practice this and start playing with it.

because your nervous system will calm and your energy opens And you become a match to what you want, not just in your thoughts, but in your vibration and your energy field and in your beliefs. And this is a difference between thinking positively and actually becoming the woman who allows in her desires.

So I hope that makes sense. know it sounds a little woo woo and it is a little woo woo,

but it's based in neuroscience, quantum physics, somatics. And so I blend these all seamlessly together because we have to have all of them. We can't just live in our head. We don't just live in our head.

We live in our bodies and it's an energetic universe. So if we ignore that part of it, we're really doing ourself a disservice. All right, love. So if any of this resonated with surface level affirmations that don't land,

If you're ready to shift from trying to think your way into a new reality and instead ready to fully embody it, then I would love to support you. You know, I'm here for you. And right now I still do have a few spots left in my one-on-one coaching. It's a 12 week program where I hold your hand. It's just me and you.

You're fully supported with me walking with you for 12 full weeks.

I still have a few spots left for that for this month.

and if you're ready to really supercharge your manifestation practice,

get first access to my course, Manifestation Unlocked. That's where I teach in detail the neurosomatic manifestation method.

activation tools and all of the things. powerful course that blends neuroscience and woo woo and physics and all the things, but in a really simple, simple way.

in show notes so you can access it quickly there.

I hope that this episode was helpful and until next time, keep manifesting an epic life.