The #1 Thing Holding Women Back from What They Want
Get Crystal Clear: The Secret to Manifesting Your Dreams
Hey friend, welcome back! Today, we're diving into the number one thing holding us back from getting what we truly want. It’s simple, but don’t mistake that for easy. This seemingly small issue is a massive roadblock for so many women. Let’s break it down.
Every time I work with a woman wanting to create something new in her life—be it a lover, a business, more money, or just more freaking time and space for herself—we hit the same wall. They know exactly what they don’t want because it’s often their lived experience. But when it comes to describing what they do want, the picture is blurry, and getting specific is a challenge. Even when they think they’re being clear, they’re often just describing what they don’t want.
Sounds strange, right? Stick with me.
The Manifest Missteps
Last week in Nashville, I was at this big event with a bunch of badass women entrepreneurs. I met a beautiful, successful woman excited about taking my manifest course. When I asked her what she wanted to create in her life, she quickly said LOVE. Great, I thought. So, I asked for details.
Instead of diving into the juicy specifics of her dream partner, she immediately launched into a rant about how dating sucks and all the good guys are taken. Whoa, wait a second. I asked for the juicy details about what she wanted to create, not what wasn’t working.
She caught herself, which was great, but many of us don’t. This is SO COMMON and the number one cog in the wheel of women getting what they want.
Another woman I spoke with wanted financial abundance. But when she explained further, she focused on how tired she was of struggling. She could describe her debt in detail but not what financial freedom would feel like.
Let’s get something straight. When I ask about creating wealth, and you lead with your debt and struggles, you’re missing the point. Same goes for love—if you talk about all the assholes on dating apps, you’re not focused on what you want.
Program Your Mind Like a 3D Printer
Think of yourself as programming a 3D printer. Whatever you program in is what you’re gonna get out. Your vision of what you DO want needs to be that clear and detailed. If you program it with all the shit you DON’T want, that’s what it’s gonna spit out. It doesn’t judge; it just follows the input. Manifesting works the same way.
Simple, Not Easy
This sounds simple, but it’s not easy. Think about something you say you want. Can you get nitty-gritty with details? Sensory details? Down to what it feels like in your body, what the air will smell like when you’ve achieved it? This is what’s required to create with ease versus tenacity.
The Importance of Details
Why get that detailed? Because our brains can’t tell the difference between what we imagine and what’s actually happening when we deeply engage all our senses. When I was a dancer, I’d imagine every part of a performance, right down to the sweat and the texture of the floor. My brain didn’t know the difference between practice and performance. Olympic athletes use this technique all the time.
If we focus on what we don’t want, that’s what our brain zeros in on. It’s like setting a GPS to avoid destinations rather than find them. Your GPS doesn’t care; it just follows the input. Our brain is just like that GPS.
Get Clear, Super Clear
Imagine you’re a sculptor, like Michelangelo. You need a clear vision of what you’re creating. If you keep changing your mind mid-chisel, you’re just gonna end up with a mess. Same goes for your dreams. Get clear. Super clear. Down to the juicy details.
Want abundance? What does that look like? How will you know when you have it? You might already have an abundance of things you don’t want, like bills or debt. Get specific about the kind of abundance you’re aiming for.
Alright, friend, that’s your dose of tough love for today. Get crystal fucking clear on what you want. This is the first step to getting what you truly desire. Trust me, most women struggle with this, but I know you’ve got this.
Transcript
Welcome to the Magnetic Creator podcast. I'm your host, Melanie Mishler, and each week we have intimate conversations about the things that matter most in life. My superpower is helping you remember who you truly are. A powerful, magical creator. I give you proven tools to help you get unstuck and manifest a life that sets your heart on fucking fire. Are you ready? Let's go. Hello, friend, and welcome back to the podcast.
Today we're going to dive into the number one thing that holds us women back from getting what we truly want. And this little thing is so simple that it's really easy to dismiss, but I want you to hear me out because simple does not necessarily mean easy. And I'm telling you, this is standing in the way of so many women getting what they really want and deserve. Because almost every time I speak with a woman wanting to create something new in her life,
Whether it's a lover, a business, more money, or just more freaking space and time for herself, we always hit the same exact wall. We know exactly what we don't want very, very clearly because often this is what we're actually living right now, right? That's our lived experience. But when it comes to describing what we do want, very often the picture is not so clear and it can be very challenging to get specific.
And then I also find very often when we are, when we want to describe what we do want, oftentimes we do it kind of in terms of saying what we don't want. Now I know that might sound a little strange or confusing, but stick with me because I'm going to break this down really, really simply for you. Because last week I had a great, perfect example of this. I was out in Nashville with my business coach at this huge event with a bunch of bad -ass.
women entrepreneurs, and I was talking to this very, very beautiful and successful woman who was really excited about taking my manifest course. So I was like, great, I can't wait for you to take it. And I asked her, what is it that you want to create in your life? And she said very quickly, love, like love is what I want. I want to manifest a partner. So I said to her, ooh, that's great. Tell me more about this. Give me more details because I wanted to hear more.
Melanie Mishler:But then straight away, instead of giving me all the juicy details about like what she wanted in a lover, she immediately launched in to telling me how dating sucks these days and all the good guys are taken and on and on and on. And I was like, wait a second, hold on. I asked you to give me the juicy details about what you want in a partnership, not to describe what's working.
or like the state of internet dating, right? And the good news is she caught herself right away. Like as soon as I interrupted her, she was like, yeah, I get it. But often we don't catch ourselves as we're focusing on all the negative shit. And this is so common. It's really the number one thing I see. It's almost like a cog in the wheel of us all getting what we want. And it's not just about love. Another example last week when I was in Nashville,
I was talking to a woman about her desire to create financial abundance. But then when I asked her to go deeper and tell me more, she described instead of talking about the wealth she wanted to build, she started talking about how she was tired of having this financial instability and how she was tired of struggling. So here's the thing. She could describe her debt in very, very clear detail, but she couldn't describe what financial freedom would feel like to her. And friend,
I want to get something really straight because when I ask about creating wealth and you lead with your debt struggles or when I ask about creating love and you tell me about all the assholes on the dating apps, you're missing the point. We're all missing the point because I want you to think about like when we go after the things that we want, when we are going after our goals or whether you want to call it manifesting or creating goals or whatever you want to call it. I don't care about the words. I want you to think of yourself as someone who's programming.
one of those really cool 3D printers. And if you've ever used one of those printers, they're pretty fucking awesome. But whatever you put in, that's what you're going to get out. So the vision, your vision and clarity of what you do want needs to be that detailed. Because here's the thing, the 3D printer doesn't give a fuck what you program. Because here's the thing, if you program a 3D printer with all the shit you don't want, that's exactly what it's going to spit out to you. It doesn't judge what you want to create.
Melanie Mishler:It just basically is following the pattern that you input and manifesting follows that same idea. And again, I know this sounds so very simple, but simple does not necessarily mean easy. So now I want you to think about something that you say that you want and ask yourself this question. Can you get down to the nitty gritty details? And I'm not just meaning any details like how much actual money you want in the bank or
that you want a male partner or a husband or whatever, I want you to get down to the sensory details, down to what it will feel like in your body. What the air is gonna smell like when you achieve what you want. This is what's required to create with ease versus tenacity, versus like that grin and barret creation. And some women will ask me, like, why is it important to get that detailed and to...
to describe it down to the smell and taste. And here's why, because you all know I'm equal parts of woo woo neuroscience and strategy. And this technique comes down to the basic brain science, because here's the thing, our brains, they can't tell the difference between what we are imagining and what's actually happening when we engage our senses this way. So back when I was a dancer, I used to use this technique all the time when I was training for a performance.
I would at night, I would do a meditation and I'd imagine every part of the performance from the beginning right down to the end. And I would be envisioning things like the sweat dripping down my face, the way my sound, like the way my breath sounded, the texture of the floor, the way it felt on my feet. And when I did this, my brain didn't know if I was practicing in my mind or if I was practicing for real.
And Olympic athletes use this technique all the time in training. And again, since our brains don't really care what the input is, if we focus on what we don't want, then that's what our brain is going to zero in on. It's almost like having our GPS set to instead of going to a destination, we're setting it to avoid destinations, right? And your GPS doesn't give a fuck where you go. It's just following the input that you give it.
Melanie Mishler:And our brains are just like that. So I want you to get those filters that really, really clear on exactly what you do want. I want you to imagine you're almost like a sculptor. Like imagine Michelangelo. You need a really clear vision of the sculpture that you're creating and that can that sculpture is your life. It is your goals. It is your dreams. It's the things that you want to create. But here's the thing. If Michelangelo just
started, you know, on a sculpture and then mid sculpture or mid chisel. He was like, I changed my mind. I'm not really sure what I'm creating here. He would have just ended up with a big old mess. And that's what happens with us a lot of the times when we are thinking that we're focusing on what we want, but actually focusing on the opposite of it. So if you want abundance, what does that look like? How will you even know when you have it?
Because the chances are you probably already have abundance of things in your life, but it's probably abundance of things you don't want. Like maybe it's debt or bills. So we have to get really specific about the kind of abundance we're aiming for. Right? The same thing with my beautiful friend who wanted to manifest love. Well, there's all kinds of loves in our life. My soulmate is my puppy.
but that's not the kind of love she was talking about. So we need to get really, really clear on what is the soulmate we're looking for. All right, friend, that's your dose of tough love today. I want you to get crystal fucking clear on what you want. And this is the first step. This is the biggest step to getting what you truly desire. And trust me, friend, most of us struggle with this. It can be challenging, but I know you've got it.
All right, friend, I know it was another short and sweet episode, but I really hope you got some value out of it because if you can do this one little thing, it will change your fucking life. All right, have a beautiful week and I'll see you soon.
