Manifesting Through Grief and Loss

How Did I Manifest THAT? (: 00:26

Hello my beautiful friend, welcome back and happy Thursday. I'm excited to jump into this episode with you because it is a really good one.

over the last couple of episodes, I've been getting lots of questions about manifesting and I love your questions.

Please keep them coming and I promise to get them answered. last week, Sarah emailed me with a question that was so powerful, I wanted to address it here because I thought it was something that if she's struggling with, then many other people are struggling with too.

And quite honestly, it's a topic that I juggled with for many years. So I'm excited to dive into it here with you.

I think it will help understand or broaden our ideas about what manifesting is and isn't. So what I'll do is I'll just read her question and then answer it here for you. And by the way, Sarah gave me permission to read her question. So if you send me a question and you don't want me to read it, just let me know. Okay?

Here it goes. Hi, Melanie. I love the podcast and have listened to every episode. Thank you, Sarah. I've had great success with manifestation. I manifested a promotion, a new relationship, and even a yoga retreat in Costa Rica last month. But recently something happened that has left me completely shaken and questioning everything I thought I understood about manifestation.

My dad passed away suddenly from a heart attack last month while I was at the retreat. It was so unexpected. I don't understand how such a horrible thing can happen when I was in such a high vibration positive space. I'm devastated and confused. If I'm so good at manifesting positive things, how did this happen?

Some teachers say we're responsible for everything in our lives.

Does that mean I caused this somehow? How do I make sense of this tragedy in the context of manifestation? I'd really appreciate your perspective on this. Thank you for all that you do.

That was such a big question.

first off, I am sending you a huge hug. And I'm so very sorry to hear about the loss of your father. I also recently lost my dad unexpectedly two years ago. And let me tell you, it has been the most challenging thing of my life.

I don't think there is anything that prepares you for losing a parent and no one can really relate to it until they've been through that type of loss because it's completely different from any other type of loss. I don't know if you feel this way, but after my dad's transition, I suddenly felt like I was part of a club that I never wanted to be in and it was and it still is so, so painful for me.

So sweet friend, I feel you and I'm sending you so much love. Now, this episode might be a little bit longer because there is so much to unpack here and I wanna make sure I'm taking my time to answer this. first and most importantly, no, you did not cause the death of your father. Death is a natural part of life. We will all transition. It's inevitable.

Also, the timing of your father passing away has nothing to do with how quote positive you are or how good of a manifestor you are.

I completely understand your feelings of guilt when you've heard this crap from other teachers. And I don't know if I've shared this on the podcast before, but as a child, I was raised in a very conservative religion and was taught some crazy things from the adults that I trusted.

The most messed up thing I was taught was if I love something or someone more than God, then God would take it away from me. Seriously, even repeating that now, it's just the most fucked up thing I've ever heard. But as a little girl, I trusted my teachers and I was terrified. I mean, terrified of loving someone or something too much. and then to make matters worse, my good friend died when I was 16.

and then my love died when I was 28. And I'd be lying if I told you those thoughts didn't creep back into my head because they were so deeply ingrained down there. And this is kind of the same same but different from what you're describing because one, you don't have the power over anyone else's life or experience. And two, you cannot think enough positive thoughts or do enough

manifestation practices to prevent your loved ones from passing away or from bad things from happening in the world or school shootings or war or any of it.

Here's what I didn't understand then. That death is a part of life and loss is a part of love. And there is no way around a broken heart because grief is a fundamental part of loving someone. So learning to manifest doesn't mean that we're going to erase all the negative emotions and then challenging parts of life. That's not real life. And I know it's easy to look at other people's

perfect Instagram feeds,

especially those that are all, you know, love and love and positive manifestation. And to look at those and think that's what you're aiming for. But sweet friend, it's bullshit. It's fake. Do you think that those people don't experience loss and grief and sadness and self doubt, fear and loneliness?

Those emotions are part of the human experience.

Our goal is not to be positive all the time. It's to learn how to experience and metabolize the full spectrum of human emotions in a way that doesn't derail us, in a way that can soften us and open us up instead of shutting us down.

Ranting on about this, it reminds me of a powerful quote I put on a sticky note taped to my refrigerator after my love died. The quote was from Rumi and it said, you have to keep breaking your heart until it opens. And I was really feeling it at that time because I have experienced lots and lots of loss in my life. And every time I would just keep feeling like my heart was breaking, my heart was breaking. And when I read that,

it really resonated with me. Because I really believe that opening our hearts, experiencing all those quote, negative emotions that we associate with grief and loss, and even with failure,

that experiencing those emotions and moving through them is what brings us into emotional adulthood. It deepens our capacity to connect with ourself and others. And friend, that's what life is all about. It's all about connection. So I want to share another personal story with you that happened almost a year ago.

And before I share this, I just want to say again that I'm actually a very private person. It might not seem that way because I share so much personal information here on the podcast, but I only share things when I feel it can be helpful to you or I feel it will help us relate better. So please don't think I just air dirty laundry for fun. Okay.

but Sarah, when I read your question, this story is what popped up into my head.

Last year in: 2023

basking and how wonderful life was. was feeling grateful, happy, ultra, ultra positive and so alive. Kind of probably like what you felt like when you were at that yoga retreat. And as I'm driving along, I was listening to my favorite music. I was thinking about my life. And in that moment, I was so overcome with gratitude that I literally started crying, like weeping with gratitude. And

right smack in the middle of my positive rampage of appreciation, I received a phone call from my mom with devastating news. Devastating. She told me that two members of our chosen family had been violently killed. And in that moment, I went from the highest high to the lowest low. It was like,

The whole world stopped and began spinning around me. I and as I was on the phone with my mom, I thought like this tragedy is more than anyone can handle. It's more than I can handle. But friend, here's the thing. We're all stronger than we know. And your strength will really shine when you face challenging moments. Again, our goal is not to eliminate challenges from our life.

It's to be able to move through them with grace. because I had practiced sitting with grief and moving through trauma and heartache so many times in my life, come to understand that these intense emotions are not our enemies. They're actually powerful teachers.

So this time, something interesting happened. For the first time in my life, I was able to experience a profound loss without being completely derailed. I was able to remain grounded and present with those around me. Now, this came from years of facing difficult emotions head on. I learned that our capacity to feel pain is directly proportional to our capacity to feel joy and love.

And really by embracing all of the feelings, like the whole spectrum of feelings from gut wrenching and heart soaring, I've been able to develop this emotional resilience that I never thought possible. So in this moment of extreme grief, when that happened, I knew exactly what to do. And what I did is I pulled over to the side of the road.

and shook it out, literally. If you've ever seen a dog or a wild animal shake their bodies after they feel safe from a threat, it's a way to regulate the nervous system. So I pull over to the side of the highway and I get out of my car and I'm just jumping up and down and shaking out my body, looking like a complete batshit crazy person.

But I knew that this was the quickest way to regulate my nervous system and help that trauma move through my body. And then I took care of myself in other ways too. I talked to my family, I cried, I had a session with my coach, I went to restorative yoga, I ate nurturing foods.

Most importantly though was I allowed those emotions, grief, loss, sadness, even anger to move freely through my body.

Where we often get stuck is when we try and shut them down. We try and numb out the emotions with alcohol, drugs, sleep, mindless scrolling, you name it. I've been there too. I've tried processing loss by numbing out or spiraling and guilt, but it never helped. It only made things worse.

So Sarah, I want you to understand that your manifestations are not what happens to the people around you. It's your response to it. it's how you allow yourself to open up or to shut down.

It's about how you allow yourself to find the kindness and comfort in people who care about you or how you choose to shut everyone out. These are the ways that we manifest during trauma and loss. It's not about things.

It's about micro moments of connection, micro moments of love, compassion, and healing.

manifestation teachers, want to focus on the stuff and all the stuff is great. But if we don't have the capacity to be present and enjoy and grieve and feel it all, then who cares about the stuff,

All right, I want you to remember, sweet friend, you are living in a human body.

which means you can't have the up without the down, the light without the dark, and you most certainly cannot have love without grief and loss. So I want you to free yourself up from that guilt. There's nothing that you did. You were not manifesting on a lower plane. You were not in some vibrational funk.

I want you to embrace it all my beautiful friend. And if you have questions or you need more support, then please reach out because I'm here for you on this journey. All right. Have a beautiful week, friend. Keep manifesting epic shit.