Why You Fall Off Your Goals — and How to Make Change Stick

Melanie Mishler (: 00:00

Hello love and welcome back to the As always, I'm so happy that you're here with me. And I don't know about you, but I'm looking around wondering how in the heck is it already February 2026? And if you're feeling the same way and maybe your New Year's resolutions, they've fizzled out by the wayside, then friend, this podcast is for you.

so I just wanna start off by saying the other day I was watching my friend live on Facebook and he January is the Monday of the year.

And my gosh, I just started laughing out loud because it's so true. I've never heard anyone say that before, but it totally is.

we're supposed to be starting off strong. We're supposed to get lots of stuff done with all these goals and visions. And then, you know, by mid January, it's just like midday Monday, you're like, crap. Things tend to go back to the way they were, right? And there's actually a name for it. I talked about this on a previous podcast, but I think it's like the third Friday in January is called Quitters Day.

And because that's when most people quit their New Year's resolutions. It's when you can finally go back to the gym and actually get in a class because all those people who started off the year strong have kind of like fizzled out. and there's a reason for this because we tend to make these big goals and big visions for ourselves at the beginning of the year without laying the foundation for

who we're becoming in order to hold these big visions. So what happens is our goals, especially in January, they kind of end up being this like a giant to-do list.

And I don't know if that's happened for you, but very often people's New Year's resolutions and mine included, they would sound something like, I'm going to start going to the gym or I'm going to lose 10 pounds this year or I'm going to grow my business this year. And notice how all of those are actions. They're not identities. And this might sound subtle. It might even sound like semantics.

But it's really important when it comes to manifesting and to creating a life that's actually feels aligned. Because what happens is when our identity shifts, action stops requiring effort. It becomes almost like a no-brainer. I talked about it this week on YouTube. So for those of you who don't know, I just started working on my YouTube channel. I'm really excited about it. I'm gonna start dropping episodes every Tuesday.

and then the podcast will come out every Wednesday. But on the YouTube channel, I gave the example about someone who was smoking and the difference between someone who identifies as a smoker who's trying to quit versus someone who is just a non-smoker. And it was such a good example because I personally, I don't identify as a smoker at all.

So for me, there's never a debate in my mind. There's never any kind of temptation. I don't have to use willpower. In fact, if someone lights up a cigarette next to me, I actually have quite the opposite reaction, I almost have like a physical repulsion to the smell. So, and that's not right or wrong. It's just a different identity. And so what that is, is that's identity doing the work that...

that my friend who's trying to quit smoking, they're trying to use their willpower versus identity. So let me give you another example. This one's a little closer to home for me right now because one of my intentions for the new year was to get back into a consistent workout routine. And for those of you who know, I moved from California to Belize this winter and that move, it really threw my rhythm off.

because for about a month and a half, I was living between places. I was packing up, traveling through countries, living out of suitcases. And if you've ever had a good routine and then you lost it, you know how hard it can be to restart, like getting back into that rhythm. and that's what happened to me. so I was going to start going on hikes with my friend and we were going to take our dogs on hikes in the morning.

And where we go up in the mountains, we have to be there before sunrise because once the sun comes out, the bugs come out with the sun. So that meant waking up about 5 a.m. And I am not going to lie. The first few mornings were really rough for me. And I kept saying to my friend, I'm like, I'm just not a morning person. I'm just not. I don't like getting up so early. And I said it to myself.

I said it to her several times. But then I realized something, I think on like the third hike that I actually really was enjoying waking up early. I love getting up when it's quiet and dark. I like light a candle in the morning. I love the cool air. I love the stillness before everyone wakes up.

And I love actually getting in my car and driving in the dark, like knowing it's going to get light. And so I had this moment where I realized, I just kind of keep perpetuating this idea that I'm not a morning person and it's making it challenging for me to get up. And so I'm like, well, what if I just change that? Stop telling myself I'm not a morning person. And what if I let my identity change to someone who's a morning person?

I know that sounds really easy and really simple, But it's profound how that shift changes things. Because now waking up is actually enjoyable for me. There's not resistance. Even on the days when I'm tired and it's like cold and I kind of want to stay in bed.

there's this kind of joy in waking up early. And this is what happens when action follows our identity. And again, this might sound simple, but I really want you to hear me when I say this, identity shifts are everything when it comes to manifesting a life that you desire, when it comes to reaching goals, when it comes to anything that you want to create in your life.

So let's take another example. A lot of people for the new year will set intentions around money, for instance. And maybe that's you. Maybe one of your New Year's goals was to change your relationship with money or get out of debt, or maybe it's to book more clients, get your business successful.

But here's the thing, before those things can shift, before they can land, your identity needs to shift because you don't manifest money by wanting it harder.

In fact, that actually keeps it at bay. You've probably heard me say you can't want something and have something at the same time because they're two opposing energies. So how we manifest who can hold money, who can hold it energetically, emotionally, practically. Someone who doesn't panic when money comes in or who doesn't feel

guilty receiving it or who doesn't feel like money's bad or rich people are greedy or any of those things, right? Someone who doesn't associate money with pressure or loss of freedom.

Those are all really important subtleties that we need to explore if you keep wanting to manifest money and it's just kind of staying just out of reach. So, and this is where a lot, a lot of people get stuck in manifesting. It's not because they're doing anything wrong, but it's because they're trying to change results and they're trying to change behavior identity, instead of

stepping into being the person that naturally has and naturally attracts the things that they desire. might sound very subtle, but I promise you, it's really distinct. It's really important. So, love, if you're listening to this and you're thinking, yeah, yeah, I'm with you, Mel. Like, I start off really strong and then I fall off.

I want you to hear this. It's not because you're failing at resolutions. You're just trying to act your way into a new identity, you're white-knuckling your goals. And it never works for long. I mean, it does work. That's why the gym's packed for those first three weeks in January. But, you know, a really rough way to go about change.

And real change happens when we can pause long enough to ask, who am I becoming? what does this version of me believe? And what feels natural for her? So from there, once we step into that, then our actions stop feeling like effort and they start feeling like the next natural step, like alignment. Just like the smoking example,

There's no temptation in me to smoke because it's not my identity. But millions of people have a different experience. So, and again, it's not right or wrong. It's just what's the identity that you want to fuse with that's going to align with your goals and your vision and your highest potential.

Love, this is the work we're doing here this year. This is not forcing, we're not white-knuckling our goals, we're not beating ourself up, but we're gonna consciously be choosing who we're becoming and then letting our life reorganize from there. So, and it's a very natural reorganization. It's where manifestation work really clicks and becomes easy and fun and exciting. So,

I'm really glad you're here and I hope that you will meet me back here next week. If you want to take this work deeper, I do have my three session series that's currently available. You can find all the information on show notes and I hope that you will join me. I only have a few spots left. So if you're interested in that, it's where we work one on one for these three deep dive sessions and

is to help you pause, get clarity, get really honest with yourself and orient yourself before moving forward. It's very, very powerful. Anyway, love, until next week, keep manifesting an epic life.