The Missing Piece in Manifestation: Safety

Melanie Mishler (: 00:26

hello, love, and welcome back to the Manifest with Melanie podcast. If you're new here, I'm really glad you found your way to my little section of the inner webs. And of course, if you've been here before, welcome home, love.

So I'm starting this year off a little bit differently because you might know I'm living in Belize now. I moved here from California about four weeks ago and around here the pace is way slower, way steadier. People call it Belize time and honestly it's the exact energy I need right now Which is why I want to start this year by talking about something that

I believe has been missing in a lot of conversations around manifestation, goal setting, visioning, success, all of it. And that's the concept of safety. Not as an idea, not as a mindset, but as a felt embodied experience in the body. Because I'm realizing very honestly that much of my life and so much of what I see in other women has been shaped by one thing.

It's trying to feel safe in a world that quite honestly, it very often doesn't feel safe because let's be real right now. we're living in a time that's really unsettled. There's economic uncertainty. There's political unrest. There's constant stimulation. and in this climate.

Big dreams can feel unrealistic. Even wanting more can feel risky. And so when we set our goals and our visions for ourselves, we're usually, we stay right at the edge of our safety zone. And it's not because we lack ambition or vision, but because our nervous systems are protecting us. Because when real safety isn't there, an embodied sense of safety, we can have all the awareness in the world. We can

have all the dreams in the world and still stay stuck, We can know something isn't working, but keep managing it anyway. Just keep white-knuckling it anyway. We can have all the big plans and visions in the world, but we're only gonna get as far as our nervous system will allow us. So, and we often will try and think our way out of this. I see this a lot with when I'm coaching women, but we can't think our nervous system into compliance

we have to feel our way there. So I always say, when I'm working with women and they're feeling stuck and they're like, I don't understand, I'm smart, I get it intellectually, but they just can't move through something. I always say it's not logical. It's biological. It's literally our bodies keeping us from moving into our potential. They're keeping us stuck. And that was me.

for many, many years. I wasn't confused. I wasn't unconscious. I was just braced tight, tightly in my nervous system.

And that's what led me to what I want to share with you in today's episode. So back in October, I went to this yoga and Mayan healing retreat deep in the rainforest here in Belize. And even though it was a busy time, I was totally stretched thin. I decided I wanted to go. Actually, that's not true. I decided I couldn't not go because, as you know, if you've listened to the podcast, I was in a big season of transition.

⁓ We were selling everything, moving from California to Belize. Life was chaotic and I just needed like space and quiet to settle my nervous system. So I went and the retreat was amazing. It was on this nature reserve deep, deep in South Belize, like deep in the rainforest. And we ate organic, yummy food made straight from the garden. We practiced yoga. We did sound healing.

There was so much care woven into every part of this retreat. It was absolutely amazing. But what I want to talk about is on the second day, we did this exercise that really changed everything for me. And this is really personal. I'm actually kind of uncomfortable sharing it, but I'm going to share it because I think it's important and that my experience might resonate with someone. anyway, the exercise we did, it was a really basic

exercise. Most of us have probably done it in grade school. ⁓ We basically we went to the garden barefoot and we paired up and then one partner blindfolded was blindfolded and the other one gently led them around the garden area for about five minutes. Now five minutes doesn't sound like a long time but when you're blindfolded when you don't know where you're going

and there's bugs and sticks and mud and ⁓ things you can trip on. It's a really long time. And so when it was my turn, something really profound happened to me during this experience. I honestly, haven't shared this with anyone other than those people that were at the retreat, but ⁓ I partnered with a man for this exercise. And as soon as my blindfold went on, he started to guide me gently through the garden.

but my body reacted instantly, like bracing for impact, right? My shoulders tightened, my breath became shallow. And without even realizing it, I kept putting my hands out in front of me, you know, to like feel, to protect myself, to like feel if he was gonna bonk me into something. ⁓ And I wasn't choosing to do that. It was my body just automatically doing this. And as he walked me, as he guided me through the garden,

He just kept softly speaking to me and saying, I'm not gonna allow you to be harmed. I'm, it's okay. There's nothing, nothing there. I'm guiding you. You're safe. You're okay. I'm not gonna allow you to be harmed. And at some point, like maybe a minute or two in, I just broke open. I, my gosh, even right now I'm starting to like tear up. I started.

to weep, not dramatic crying. It was just deep, deep tears. And the kind that comes from somewhere much older than words. And he asked me if I was OK, and I just blurted out, this is the first time anyone has ever protected me and guided me. And in that moment, I meant it.

Because as a child, the people who were supposed to protect me were the ones who actually harmed me. So my body learned at a very young, early age that safety wasn't something I could rely on. I learned that I had to stay alert, like stay alert all the time. I had to stay in control. I had to be diligent in order to survive, right? And I've carried that in my body ever since, like that control.

the hyper responsibility, like the constantly scanning my environment for what might go wrong so I could stay one step ahead. and I did that because my nervous system learned that safety wasn't guaranteed. Now that's a really great quality for being an independent hustling go-getter.

right? And when I was a single mom and I was running a business, that was actually a really great quality. But it's not great when you want to soften into life and you want to connect with others and you want to trust the unfolding of life and trust in a partnership and really connect with others. Anyway, so ⁓ the next day we did this Mayan healing ritual.

And it's called a spiritual bath and it's where you get bathed in water and herbs that have been blessed. And I've done this ritual before. It's always really powerful. But this time during the Mayan bath, I heard my guide so clearly. I heard my guide say, Melanie, you've always been guided. You've always been protected. You just stopped listening.

I heard those words. my God, it makes me tear up even now. I heard those words so clearly. And here's what I want to share with you. I'm not fucking special. I'm not the one only one who's always been guided. You've always been guided to you've always had access to your inner wisdom, to your intuition, to God or goddess or source or whatever you want to call it. Right.

No matter how far off course you find yourself, no matter how disconnected you may feel right now or in the past, no matter how many times you've ignored that quiet inner knowing that's tugging at your heart, that guidance, it doesn't disappear just because you've been in survival mode. It doesn't leave.

just because you've been overworked or busy or scared or controlling or exhausted or even addicted or anything. In fact, it doesn't leave you ever, ever. It's never gone. It waits patiently, quietly, it's almost like a gentle guide who believes in you long before you ever believe in yourself. Someone who's,

walking a few steps behind you who was close enough for you to feel but far enough for you to choose your own path.

And here's the part that feels really important for me to name. Most of us didn't lose our intuition. We just, learned not to trust it. We learned to override it in the name of being practical, responsible, reasonable, right? We learned to listen to out there to everyone else instead of our own inner wisdom, our own hearts, our own bodies.

We listen to other people's expectations, their timelines, their opinions, their rules, like all of the things, instead of our own inner wisdom.

Even when our bodies are saying like, yeah, this doesn't really work for me. I don't know. I think I want something else. We still kind of keep going along with what society says is normal and, keeping up with what we see out there. So if you're listening to this and you're thinking, I don't feel guided, I want you to hear this. That doesn't mean your guidance isn't there.

It means that your nervous system hasn't felt quiet enough, hasn't felt safe enough to hear it yet. And that is not failure. It is a clue. Because guidance doesn't usually arrive as a loud voice, right? As a lightning bolt. doesn't, it's not like what the stories I was told as a kid in religion class, right? It arrives as a sensation, a pull.

a softening, it arrives through our bodies. and when our bodies finally feel safe enough to listen, that guidance becomes unmistakable. Not because it gets louder, but because you get quieter.

And this is why I talk so much about getting off our fucking devices, turning off those phones. Like they keep us constantly distracted. And I always preach it's not because technology is bad,

But because that constant input, it leaves no room for our inner signal, right? When we're constantly scrolling, consuming, reacting, there's no space for us to be, to just sit and be. And our guidance needs that space. It needs quiet. It needs presence. It needs you back in your body. And I'm sharing this because

I think so many women are living exactly right here, like right in this space where they're highly capable, they're highly self-aware, highly responsible and fucking exhausted, right? Trying to manifest the life that they desire and quote, like, do the work while their bodies are still bracing and they're still worried about like what other people are going to think or that these goals don't seem unrealistic or it's too late or whatever.

So here's what I want you to hear today.

If you feel like you're someone who's controlling like how I was, it makes sense. If you feel like you can't relax into the unknown, it makes sense. Your body, it learned what it needed to survive. And this is why I want to start here this year, before manifestation, before desire, before vision boards or goals or the next steps,

because safety comes first. You know that saying? Like safety first, safety first, which is so funny, I just have to add, because in Belize, they don't have that saying. It is definitely not safety first. It is practicality first. It is convenience first. Like today I was driving home and I saw a family, there was like five people on a motorbike and their little baby was in the basket in the front. Yeah, so safety is definitely not first here, but for manifestation,

We need safety to be first. Because until our body feels safe, clarity stays just out of reach. Those big desires and those big dreams, just, they start feeling unrealistic.

And at that point, like change or stepping into your potential, it doesn't feel like expansion. It feels like risk, right? It feels vulnerable.

You know, feels threatening. feels exhausting. It feels like we have to make a huge list of all the things we have to do and we can't possibly get those done in our lifetime.

a lot of women that I work with, it's really hard for them. It's challenging for them to get down and distill what they really, really want, what they really, really desire. Because life is working. It's working just fine. They're successful. They have the career and the family and the house and the job and, you know, the vacations and all that stuff.

but something's still unsettled. Something doesn't feel right. They have this pull for more. And there's this fear that if they say what they really, really want, that the ground beneath their feet might disappear. And that is why somatic safety isn't a side conversation of manifestation. It is the foundation of manifestation. It's the foundation of creating anything that you desire.

because you don't manifest from what you want. You manifest from what your body believes is safe enough to hold from what you believe you're capable of. You manifest from what you believe is possible for you and what you believe you're worthy of receiving. That's a really, really big one. If you don't believe you're worthy of receiving something, guess what? You can do all the vision boards in the world and that is going to stay stuck.

because we have to address that worthiness, we have to address that fear, we have to address that safety first. This is really fucking important, especially, especially if you've been feeling stuck or if you've been feeling like you're on the cusp of something or or like you feel like you have more potential inside of you that you just can't seem to access. It's like you're constipated with your potential.

So, love, if you're listening to this and you're realizing, yeah, fuck, I'm always trying to control things or I don't know how to let go or I don't trust what comes next or I don't even know. This is a nervous system story. And the good thing is that stories, they can be changed, they can be softened, beliefs can be changed, beliefs can be softened.

your idea about your worthiness, that can be changed, that can be softened. So this year, in this space, I hope that you will join me because I'm not here to push you. I'm here to walk with you, to help you settle in, to help you listen, rebuild trust with your body and with yourself. Because when that safety returns, or when you find it for the first time, some of us are just finding it for the first time, then

honesty becomes possible. And then from honesty, we can talk about what we really want. We can talk about what we truly desire and then we can create it without overriding yourself and saying, yeah, I'm not sure if this is possible or maybe I'm too old now or maybe I've missed my chance or maybe I don't have what it takes and all that bullshit. So if you're here love listening to this and something in your body like is just settling in a little bit and saying, yeah.

then I'm really glad you're here with me and I hope you will join me next week. Until then, keep manifesting an epic life.