The Hidden Story Running Your Life (And How to Change It)

Melanie Mishler (: 00:23

right, hello, hello, loves. Welcome back to the podcast. Today I want to talk about the stories that we tell ourselves and how these stories can sometimes quietly but entirely shape the trajectory of our lives. Now, this actually ties directly into the YouTube episode I released this week.

And over there on the YouTubes, I did a little bit of a tough love episode, especially for the women over 40.

And was about the narratives that we keep repeating that keep us stuck.

Because here's the thing, by the time we reach 40, women, most of us have these stories that have been running in the background of our lives for decades. And they're almost like a computer virus, right? Everything seems to be working on the surface. We have successes, know, life is technically working, but underneath, behind the scenes, these viruses, like these thoughts and beliefs, they're quite...

wreaking havoc on our lives and on our potential. They're really running the show in the background of our lives without ever getting checked.

And the craziest part is that eventually we start believing that these are true. They become part of our identity. And then our reality actually starts to organize itself around these beliefs. So one of the things I talked about on the YouTube episode is that women will often say to me like, but Melanie, it's true. I only believe this because it's true. have so much evidence.

They'll say things like, you know, I should be further along by now. I should have started this years ago. I'm too late. Or I always choose the wrong partner. Like, right. have tons of evidence for that. Or I'm not good with money. And they'll say to me, Melanie, just look at all the evidence. My life proves that this thought is true. But here's the interesting question that I posed. Which came first, the belief or the experience?

It's kind of like a chicken and the egg thing, right?

And honestly, that's not the question we should be asking. We shouldn't be asking ourselves, is this true? ⁓ Is this historically accurate for myself? The better question is, do you want to keep repeating this pattern? Do you want to keep creating this pattern in your life? Does it serve me? Does it serve my highest potential? Because if the answer is no, then we have to start

interrupting those beliefs. We have to start interrupting the computer virus in our head, and start replacing it with new beliefs.

and here's the part that most women completely miss. And this is really, really, really important. The fact that you keep seeing that same pattern show up over and over again in your life. It's actually incredible. It's actually proof of something. It's proof that you are a really powerful manifestor.

The only thing is you're just manifesting by default because your thoughts are running wild. They're like feral children running around your mind completely undisciplined. And we rarely stop long enough to question them, to discipline them, to choose deliberate thoughts and beliefs. Again, you're manifesting what you're predominantly thinking about, what you're predominantly believing.

but we're usually thinking about and telling the story that we don't want. And it becomes automatic. Eventually, it's just running like a computer virus, like I said, in the back of your head.

So I want to give you a personal example of this. Like when this became really painfully obvious for me and it happened when I was about 40 years old. I had just bought this brand new beautiful car and one day I pulled into the gas station to get gas and to this day I still don't know what happened but I crashed my car into a small retaining wall when I was turning. Like I literally crashed into it. It was like nothing.

But I managed to do significant damage to my car. I had a flat tire. The bottom panel was ripped off. It was a hot mess. So I immediately called Andy in tears. And I'm like, it just crashed my car. I just totaled my car. And I crashed into nothing. And

Kudos to Andy. Of course, his first response was exactly what you would hope for. He was like, my God, are you OK? Like, don't worry, love. I'm on my way. And he gets in his car and heads over. And then I call AAA. And the woman on the phone, her response was really similar. She's like, ⁓ I'm so sorry that happened. Don't worry. We'll get someone out there to help you. Help is on the way.

And then I called my insurance company and the same thing, right? The nice man said like, I'm glad you're okay. That's all that matters. You know, don't worry. We'll take care of all this. We got you. That day, every single person that I interacted with, every single one, they were kind, supportive, understanding.

then, then, you know, a few minutes later, Andy arrived and on the way home, somehow I picked a fight with him. And he just asked one simple question, like, God, I don't understand how this happened. And I snapped back at him. I said, like, you just think I'm so stupid, don't you? And he goes, Whoa, Whoa, like, wait a second. I never.

ever said anything like that. I never said you were stupid. where did that come from? And at that moment, I had to stop myself because he was right. He never said anything like that. He was nothing but supportive and loving.

And that day no one had called me stupid. No one except myself. Because let me tell you, the very, very first thing I said to myself when I crashed my car,

was, my God, you're so fucking stupid. Like, how could you do this? Who crashes into nothing? I can't believe how stupid you are. You ruin everything. I mean, my mind went on and on and on. And the truth is, I had been calling myself stupid from the moment it happened.

When I talked to the insurance company, I said, I know this is so stupid. Like I crashed my car into the wall at the gas station. ⁓ The tow truck driver, he heard it too. I said like, I can't believe I did something so stupid. And no one else said it. No one else agreed with it. Not one person. It was all an inside job. In fact, everyone else was was reassuring me like, it's okay. It's okay.

The tow truck driver actually said, we've had about 10 people crash into the same wall because you can't see it. So while I was berating myself, the people around me were not doing any of it.

And so that was a huge wake up call for me because honestly, that story didn't start that day. It started when I was a kid. Like I had been called stupid growing up and it really stuck with me. Even though I was 40 years old, even though I was educated and successful and capable, that narrative, it was still

quietly running in the background of my life. Again, it was like a computer virus and it run unquestioned on autopilot. And then any time I hit a challenge or I hit a mistake or a

a stressful situation or especially mistakes, it would kick in and it would just run wild. So my question is, do you have something similar? Do you have a similar unchecked thought pattern running in the background of your mind? It might not be that extreme, but

Every single woman that I have worked with every single woman. I know every single woman. I've spoken with a similar unchecked thought pattern that that just kind of runs in the background of her thoughts and beliefs Honestly, I've never met one woman who doesn't have this so This week I want you to start

challenging and questioning the thoughts in your mind.

Because if you've been practicing a thought for 30 or 40 years like I had, of course you're going to have evidence of it. Of course it's going to show up in your life and you're going to see confirmation of it. But again, that doesn't mean it's the truth. It just means you're a really effective manifestor. you keep thinking of something.

and the world keeps reflecting it back to you. That's it. And here's where this becomes powerful. What if you started believing something different? Because the same mechanism works in reverse. When you begin practicing a thought and a new belief, one that you actually want to experience, when you actually want to feel and you feel it is true,

your world reorganizes around that new belief.

And the emotional piece is really important here because when that story started running rampant, when I crashed my car in the gas station, there was a huge emotional and somatic charge with it. Right. I was completely overcome with like shame, embarrassment, frustration. ⁓ It wasn't just a thought I was having. It was a complete felt experience. And that's what made the belief so powerful.

That's what makes all beliefs so powerful. They're not just mental. They're emotional. They're somatic. So when we want to shift our beliefs, we have to infuse them with feeling, with sensory detail, with emotion, because that's what reality really responds to. And I know, again, this might sound woo woo, but if you always hear me say this, it's not woo woo, it's science.

Everything around you is energy. You are energy. You're the same energy that makes up me. You're the same energy that makes up the stars, the sun, the plants, the planets, the ocean. It's all the same substance. It's just we're vibrating at different frequencies. And

When you start to understand that you, you yourself are the energy that makes up the universe, it's really when you start stepping into ⁓ manifestation maturity, you stop being someone who just reacts to life and reacts to the things happening around you. And you become someone who deliberately creates the life that you desire.

So this week, I want you to just start noticing your thoughts, noticing what's running through your mind. The ones that sound like that mean girl, right? The thoughts that sound like that mean girl from high school. Yeah, that bitch is in there, right? The ones that feel like they've always been true. And I want you to ask yourself one simple question. Do I want this to be true or is this just an

old story. Because the moment you start questioning that story is the moment you start to take your power back.

And that's when life shifts so quickly. All right, love, if this resonated with you, make sure you check out the YouTube episode. put the link to my YouTube and show notes. You can click and subscribe so you don't miss anything. And if you want some personal support around this, if you have a story that you need help shifting, I would love to help support you. I

I currently have an amazing offer where we work together one on one for one month. It's a really deep dive. It's not a long-term commitment, but you have tons of support. And in one month, you will go from some chaos to clarity. You will be really, really clear on what's true, what's not true, what's been running the show, and switch into a new story. All right, love, until next time, keep manifesting an epic life.